World’s First Truly Retro Camera — Canon Responds to Innovative Competition With Slightly Than Better ÜberCamera©

Tokyo, October 25, 2013 — In light of the competition’s relentless release of advanced revolutionary retro, full-frame and other fancy cameras, Canon, world’s leader in digital imaging solutions, announces it’s going the opposite way. Canon proudly introduces the revolutionary back-to-the-roots ÜberCamera©, a truly retro, as good as new camera based on extensive market research reassuring Canon in its quest to bring back the good old times when every photograph mattered.

With a retro 5MP sensor of the first and unique Kodak CCD generation at its heart, the ÜberCamera© captures the look and feel of the olden days.

ÜberCamera Prototype | LEGO Suzuki / Flickr
ÜberCamera Prototype | LEGO Suzuki / Flickr
True to its winning formula “Things aren’t what they were,” the world’s leading camera manufacturer adds other retro features such as enormous size and weight to prove that no one knows the past better than Canon.

“We’re big, we’re massive, so is our new flagship”, Canon CEO Fujio Mitarai tells THEME in an exclusive interview. Creatively reversing the industry’s miniaturization trend, Canon’s ÜberCamera© inspires a long ignored generation of photographers who cherish “size matters” above everything.

Due to a body easily recognized as really pro and true to its award-winning slogan “Designed to Make the Possible Impossible,” the ÜberCamera© can store — as another world’s first — floppy disks, something the competition tried to ignore so far deliberately. “There’s nothing like the ÜberCamera©,” says the proud CEO.

The ÜberCamera‘s© patented SingledOutÜberPixel™ (SOÜP) CCD AF lets you enjoy the focusing speed of a Single Pixel Equivalence™ (SPE). The hence creatively combined pixels result in artistic creations no other camera in human history has yet been able to achieve. With each capture being a surprise, no other camera surprises so much.

While not rendering absolutely focused images or spot-on colors or white balance, the fascination of the ÜberCamera© lies in its digital imaging’s ad hoc spontaneity, something the competition gave up for good long ago due to seemingly insurmountable technical challenge posed by the symbiosis of spontaneity and technology.

“We got it,” Canon CEO Mitarai tells THEME confidently. “The new EOS ÜberCamera© is, put mildly, a game changer.” “Photographers will enter into unforseen realms of creative nirvana thanks to state-of-the-art regression combined with solid price increases.”

Mitarai reassures the EOS ÜberCamera© allows anyone to turn a pitch dark hole into priceless black. “Add the stellar mojo and unearthly tactile feel. And the beautifully crisp Simplified Diode™ (SiD) display. It’s über. You never want to let go of it again.”

True to the purist photographer’s philosophy, with the ÜberCamera© the “camera is in your hands again,” assures the leader of world’s camera leader. Groundbreaking in every sense of the word due to its weight, the ÜberCamera© offers a manual and tactile feel like no other:

“Something has been missing in any photographer’s creative life,” oracles Mitarai. “This very most basic camera reunites with your elementary, human side.”

While 0.5 fps give ample time to truly enjoy the scenery, ISO maxing out at base ISO turns every proud owner of the ÜberCamera© into a base ISO pro, a craft most photographers lost in the line of evolution.

With each capture becoming guaranteed Museum Quality Art™ (MQA), all distractions are preventively disabled by a proactively inscrutable user interface that demands the photographer’s absolute concentration and leaves no room for unrelated attention.

Completely focused on the ÜberCamera©, the camera’s and user’s body become one.

(inspired by Leica Boss)



  • Bengt Nyman

    Dan,
    That nose spray that you wanted, I gave you the wrong bottle.
    Sorry.

    • Don’t remember what happened.